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Showing posts from June, 2020

Deep Depression

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Shoulders, back, neck, fatigue, ankles, knees, my right arm, dizziness, tachycardia, depression.  Day twelve Chronicle: Complete. 

Humpty Dumpty

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Shoulders, wrists, back, knees, ankles, neck, jaw, briefly popped a rib out, fatigue, nausea, irritability, dizziness, tachycardia, headache, anxiety, depression.  Tried to go upstairs to get my fan my husband took up there and my knee went out on the way back down and I fell the rest of the way down. Really hurt my arm. Husband was worried it was broken but I don't think so. He's not convincing me to go to the hospital just yet anyway. All the cuts quit bleeding anyway.  Day eleven Chronicle: Complete. 

Unbearable

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No sleep.  Woke up with my left shoulder dislocated. In the dream I woke up from it was dislocated so that explains that.  Wasn't able to sleep until nearly 4 am. My shoulders, back, knees, jaw, and hips are bad today.  Headache.  Orthostatic intolerance.  Dizziness.  Fatigue.  Lots of nausea.  Been like two weeks since I showered.  Ate some chips earlier.  Don't have clean clothes.  No matter how much tylenol I take it doesn't help.  Day ten Chronicle: Complete. 
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Lots of pain and fatigue and nausea.  Lots of frustration and isolation and stress.  Haven't showed in over a week.  Wearing dirty clothes.  Don't have any clothes that fit.  Who cares.  Day nine Chronicle: Complete. 

Another Week

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Nausea, pain, muscle spasms, frustration, and nightmares. Every joint. Orthostatic intolerance. Dizziness. Extreme fatigue.  The usual.  My husband is not handling my nightmares well. He wants to lock me up for them upsetting me.  Day seven Chronicle: Complete. 

Time Marches On

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My aunt had her surgery yesterday. Hoping for a quick recovery.  Nightmares continue.  My husband is about to leave me because he doesn't understand PTSD and won't educate himself. He thinks it's fine to come up behind me and grab my breasts.  Shoulders, back, neck, knees, fingers, hips hurt. Tired. Frustrated. Brain fog. Orthostatic intolerance. Dehydrated. Depressed. So panicked.  Day six Chronicle: Complete. 

Nightmares Continue

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I've been having the worst nightmares. Continuous. For a week now. It's making me so panicked. Fight or flight kicks in. There's nowhere to run, so it goes to fight. My husband can't take it much more. Maybe I should just be away from everyone forever.  Fatigue. Nausea. Joint pain especially in shoulders, knees, ankles, fingers. Back pain. Headache. Massive frustration.  Day five Chronicle: Complete. 

Just Another Day

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Shoulders, back, and knees bad today. Very fatigued. Muscle spasms. Gastrointestinal issues. Frustrated. Sick and tired of sick and tired. A lifetime of it to go.  Day four Chronicle: Complete. 

Difficult Decision

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Today I am so very very sore and tired. Dislocated my thumb doing the dishes, but got it back in. My knees hurt so badly. I am having the worst brain fog, so please excuse this post as being not very well composed. Lots of tummy problems and abdominal pain and nausea today.  My shoulders hurt per usual. My back, especially lower, is very very painful. My neck hurts. Headache. Jaw clenching. So, I decided to do what the ortho told me and start going to a pain clinic. I really really don't want to. I just can't take it anymore. So I'll have to figure that out.  Tomorrow. I can't think today.  I'm so tired.  Day three Chronicle: Complete. 

Defending Disability

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Am I the only one that has to defend their disability? When I attempt to point out I cannot work, I get told I could if I wanted to. Although if my husband didn't make so much money, I would get disability and health insurance, etc from the government, because there is a ton of medical evidence that I CAN'T WORK. I didn't want to grow up to be in a bed 23 hours most days, needing help to shower. But I'm told how damn lucky I am to "be able" to stay home, like this is some sort of treat. And due to my PTSD, anxiety, depression mental health issues, people think I should be on medication that makes me more pleasant to be around. Not to help treat me in any way. Just to make me more palatable to them.  After all, nobody really  wants to hear about disability.  I was on thorazine and while it caused a huge problem with lack of sleep, vomiting and nausea, tartive dyskinesia, Parkensonian like shaking, weight gain, and I heard voices a few times, people found me mor

Let's start at the very beginning...

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Hi. I'm Jenny.  38 years old, Alabama native, wife and mother, cat lover, and chronically ill. Today, I actually complained to my husband about dislocating my shoulder. Now, usually I wouldn't have bothered him. Yes, I know, you normal people are probably having a wtf at that statement. My fellow EDS sufferers can probably relate.  So, he told me to start writing down when all this happens, to keep track of it for doctors, so "they take me more seriously." I pointed out that most did, and I am ruled physically disabled by the state of Alabama. That he (and his family) were the only ones that didn't really take me seriously. So, in an attempt to reconcile that, I decided to start the most depressing blog on earth.  Usually I brush off the stuff. I don't want to complain or be the most whiny person alive. Who wants to be around that? But, let's see if I get taken seriously this way.  I have dysautonomia, postural Orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, mitral valv